Epic Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land
Minotaurs were dying by every hand
The traps were set in the forest with care
In hopes that a Minotaur soon would be there

The hunters were dreaming, all snug in their beds,
Of dying Minotaurs inside of their heads
And mamma in her chainmail, and I with my bow
Had just fell asleep in the soft moon's glow

When out in the field, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a spell
Prepared to see some fresh new hell

The moon on the breast of a new fallen snow
gave the luster of midday on the objects below
When, what to my wondering eyes from afar,
But a herd of charging and armed Minotaur!

That odd looking leader, in a tree he was carving
His odd looking name, I think it was Marvin
More rapid than Griffins my arrows they came
I heard him bellow his brethren by name

"Lookout Trampler! and Charger! Oh Stomper and Horny!
Hide, Bison! and Leather! Run, Pounder and Clovey!
To the top of the ridge! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

As boats that tend to rapidly plunge
When they meet a Sea Titan's weaponized lunge
My arrows, down to the plain they flew
Into the Minotaurs, and young Marvin, too.

And then, with a thunder, I heard on the roof
The crashing and pounding of each giant hoof
As I drew in my head, and was turning around
Down through the roof Minotaurs came with a bound

They were dressed in armor, and ironically leather
And swung axes like they were light as a feather
Atop their heads, their horns shined bright
And for a moment, I was blinded by light

Their eyes, how dull! Their expression, so blank!
Their loincloths waved in the wind by their flank
Their frothing mouths all sagged in a frown
And the fur on their bodies was all matted brown

Little did they see, my old mum get behind
She picked the first weapon that she could find
A claymore she wielded, as swift as the breeze
And with one big swipe, they were down on their knees

A stump of a leg and a few broken teeth
The blood it encircled the heads like a wreath
One that still lived, grasped at his belly
Whose entrails sloughed like a bowl full of jelly

One was lean and taught, a quite fearsome cow
Yet my mum kept laughing in spite of the row
A wink of her eye, and a twist of its head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

They spoke not a word and were fell by the sword
Only stacks of bodies were left of the horde
Mum laid her blades all in a heap
Went back to her room, and drifted to sleep.

I sprang to the window, and gave a loud cheer
I wanted the whole world to be able to hear
"We vanquished every Minotaur in sight!
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"